(Image from Amazon.com, of course...)
Baby gadgets had been a subject of conversation between some other mom friends and I for quite some time. We were in varying levels of agreement as to how many and what types were necessary or desirable for 1) enriching our babies' lives and 2) maintaining our own sanity. Some elect for few toys; others, a mix of wooden and plastic ones; others,all types of toys and the use of baby dvds.
I had been pondering the sorts of products that are available to pregnant mothers last spring, and posted on the subject here . An excerpt from my post:
On an unrelated note, I'm
discovering that the baby goods industry is just as full of marketing
and messaging as the wedding industry. If anything, it is worse: being
a new parent, one is worried about "messing up" or not doing things
correctly, and there are all kinds of goods out there to "reassure" you
that by buying their goods, you're being a better parent. Examples
abound. Magazines are a good place to start if you want to see what
kinds of gadgets are out there for anxious parents. I just read an ad
about a "Prenatal Education System"
that you strap to your belly. The gadget then broadcasts "lessons" of
various sounds to your unborn child. Spending the money on this product
and giving your baby these lessons is supposed to yield all kinds of
benefits- smarter! more ready to nurse! etc! I wonder who gets
suckered into these things? I recently talked about language
development with a professor from BYU. He listed for me all of the
abilities that infants have, innately, when it comes to language
absorption and retention. An 18-month old, for instance, already knows
syntax- well before he even comes close to reading. Babies have
abilities that the rest of us will never have again in our lives. And
Socrates, and Thomas Aquinas, and Einstein never had prenatal learning
systems that their mothers diligently strapped to their bellies.
So some baby stuff is bunk, or at
least easy to reject out-of-hand. But then there's the things that are
traditional, and can cost a lot of money now: mobiles! wicker
bassinets! strollers that look like old-fashioned prams! These are MY
Achilles' heel.
I was, therefore, interested in reading "Parenting, Inc." when I discovered it at my public library. The lengthy subtitle of the book gives you some idea as to the author's position: "How We Are Sold On $800 Strollers, Fetal Education, Baby Sign Language, Sleeping Coaches, Toddler Couture, and Diaper Wipe Warmers- and What It Means for Our Children." "Ouch!" I thought. "I was thinking of doing Baby Sign Language." And I actually checked out a baby sign language book when I checked this book out, as well..
So you might think that the author, Pamela Paul, is going to lecture the reader for 200 pages as to why all of the above things, and more, are terrible for you and your baby. BUT she doesn't do this. In fact, the book is a very well-written and thoroughly researched study of 1) the extensive parenting marketing and industry of parenting goods and 2) how we, as a culture, have gotten to the point where we hire "experts" to help us with things that our parents and grandparents did on their own.
I was suprised by how candid various company representatives were with Mrs. Paul when she interviewed them about the ways that they reach parents, especially working moms:
"Of course, [Stan] Fridstein [founder of RightStart] admitted, passion isn't the only thing that prompts parents' purchases. 'The real reason people would buy things is because they wanted the best for their kids and they felt extraordinary levels of guilt because they were working. They substituted a lot of that profound guilt with what they could buy for their kids.' Not that marketers could ever say so much, at least explicitly, to their customers. 'You never make a parent feel negative about being a parent. You're never going to make a sale saying, "Ms. Busy Career Woman, while you're out there running around like a chicken with your head cut off, we've gone out and saved you time by picking out all the best products"... And if it costs them a few more bucks, that's OK because we've provided them with convenience, time savings, and a sense of "Well, if it came from The RightStart, it's the best thing"' (61).
.. So once guilty parents were identified as a market, then making money was and is as easy as taking candy from... well, you know.
Two considerations regarding Mrs. Paul's book: one is that the most outrageous examples of parental spending are, not suprisingly, centered in New York City and Brooklyn. What happens there- princess birthday parties for toddlers at multi-multi-million dollar indoor play complexes, pre-school admissions testing- might reflect a trend for the rest of the country. But the scale of spending and spoiling and competition will, I think, be less in the heartland. There just isn't the concentration of monied parents in a place like Kansas City, when compared to Manhattan. But Paul is right on when she talks about the "fetishizing" of pregnancy and children. In a culture that has fewer and fewer babies, the babies that are brought into the world are often surrounded by a glut of "stuff." And some people actually decide that they cannot afford children- based on the fact that they cannot afford all of the stuff!
The other consideration is that some of the "stuff" is actually... helpful. Paul also points this out near the end of the book. I for one really relied on my Boppy pillow for nursing, since I had a tender C-section incision. And I will not ever have enough praise for the inventor of the Baby Bjorn, which has restored my hands to me at critical times of the day. There are innovations that have helped moms (post your own favorite below!).
This review really is meandering... but the final point that I wanted to make in agreement with Paul is the fact that many of the so-called educational toys and tools and classes for babies and children DO NOT focus on the development of the WHOLE little person, and the strengthening of that person's bond with his or her parents or caregivers.
Parents now are so set on their children "succeeding"- and by that, they mean almost solely academic markers of success. However, Paul notes, they could be actually interfering with their child's normal development by barraging them with things like... baby sign language. Paul cites the results of research from the Universities of Ottawa and Waterloo: "The normal course of child development may be challenged by efforts towards earlier and greater developmental achievements. The short prelingual period of a child's life is concomitant with other naturally occuuring milestones in gross motor and in nonverbal social development." Paul adds, "Humans are not, after all, designed to be on a fast-track singular path to speech" (159).
One thing that turned me on to Montessori early on was the fact that Montessori education is an aid to life. It has been developed to meet the developmental needs and tendencies of children at particular stages of their lives. Child development is about the WHOLE child- not the rote memorization of math facts, counting in other languages, etc. And babies, for one, do not even learn through flashcards or other age-inapropriate means- they learn by BEING with us, in their and our environment.
"The fact is, though the marketing of baby classes creates the aura that learning only happens in the realm of the classroom, the skills these classes claim to teach are developmental milestones that all children achieve eventually- some faster than others- but with little impact on long-term well-being or success. We don't actually need to promote these skills; they just happen" (170).
So, after all this: what to do with our babies? How about just being with them? Talking with them, carrying them, showing them the world and doing it together? Enjoy each other- that's something that doesn't cost a thing.
I recommend Paul's book for curious parents from all walks of life, be they stroller-pushers, sling-wearers, Ergo enthusiasts, or Bjorn-again types.
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